These days our appointments are short and sweet. We check-in... How's life without estrogen? Did you read the new study about how women doing ovarian suppression are more likely to be demented? How's school? How are you feeling? Do we need to do a breast exam this month? Which hip did we do last time... He sticks a long needle just behind my right hip (which will be sore for days), gives me more free samples of Arimidex, and off I go. I refill my Estring prescription downstairs and treat myself to an iced latte for the ride home. One stop shopping: a pharmacist and a Starbucks all in the same lobby.
I find strange comfort in our routine. I begin to understand Cara's relationship with Dr. Stefoski (sp?), aka "the Rock Star", who has been the specialist treating her MS for the last 9 years. Today I brought Garrett pictures for the office bulletin board: one of Cary and I in Ecuador and one of my braids pinned to the bulletin board above my desk (of course).
This afternoon I also visted Quest Lab (on the second floor) to have my blood drawn. (I'm beginning to hate the phlebotomists less--this is progress.) I have my blood drawn every three months to check "tumor markers", and make sure their levels in the blood aren't elevated (indicating possible spread of cancer). I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my cancer metasticizing. In fact, I don't really think about it at all. On most days, I'm just grateful for my life, which currently seems pretty damn good. However, today I felt unusually militant about this 3 month blood draw.
I'm part of the BAYS (Bay Area Young Survivors) listserv, so my inbox is constantly filled with cancer-related e-mails. However, most of them are more or less benign: Who has a recommendation for an oncologist? Help, I'm gaining weight on Tamoxifen, any advice? My friend was just diagnosed with BC and wants to talk with people who have had a mastectomy. Our meeting dates are... etc.
But two days ago, this is what nonchalantly showed up:
Hi All,
I'm a former 'survivor' who just got the bad news at 1 year of freedom that my breast cancer has returned and along with it brought lung and brain mets. I'm 40 with a loving husband and 2 small daughters - ages 7 and 4. I'm trying to hope for the best with treatment and remission, but at the same time I know I need to prepare for the worst.
Does anyone out there have any suggestions on books or authors who specialize in helping someone in my state write letters to her family members for the future when I'm not around? Words of wisdom and encouragement type things for birthdays, graduations, weddings, birth of children, etc.? Any and all suggestions will be welcomed!
Lung and brain mets? Recommendations for how to write letters to your children when you're not around? At 5:30 Tuesday morning, this is the message that sent chills down my spine. I don't know the woman who sent this (I don't think). I don't know anything about her cancer. And yet, it's just enough to remind me of the beast we are dealing with.
